Our internal dialogue chatters away in the background and often causes us no issue.
However, sometimes it makes us feel bad. This is negative self-talk, ‘I always fail’, ‘I’m not good at my job’ or ‘I can’t handle this’.
This inner critic is worst when we feel tired, are emotional, out of our comfort zone or doubt our abilities.
For the lucky ones it’s now and again, but for others it’s a regular occurrence. Which results in anxiety, low self-esteem, a lack of motivation and a poor quality of life.
An awareness of these thoughts is the first step to dealing with them, reducing their impact and taking back control. However don’t put off making a positive difference to your life, if you find you put things off have a read of this – Why we procrastinate? How to beat it.
Recognise and acknowledge your negative thoughts
Negative self-talk can become a habit, which leads to a cycle of negativity. But it doesn’t have to be this way.
We’re all different and some people are naturally more pessimistic than others. But by recognising negative self-talk we can do something about it.
A way to recognise and acknowledge these thoughts it to make a record of them. Including when and why they occur, and how they make you feel.
This will promote self-awareness and is the first step to a better, happier life. The following strategies to combat negative self-talk are simple but effective. Learning from mistakes is important for personal development and positive life-long change.
Reduce the impact of your negative self-talk
Change the way you experience the negative talk
Reframe a negative thought, this is to express it or think about it in a different more helpful way.
A great way to reframe is to look for a positive angle, “I always mess up presentations” can become “sometimes I make mistakes when presenting, but I learn and improve.”
Putting a positive spin on a negative chatter can change a bad habit. Resulting in the creation of a healthier one.
Achieve this and you’ll consistently switch from a negative state of mind into a more positive one.
Take control and challenge the negative talk
It’s important to challenge the negative self-talk. This approach questions the negativity to identify if it’s accurate, for example ‘if I fail this presentation my career is over’. How true is this?
This is an example of a common thinking error called catastrophising, an unhelpful automatic thought which is often untrue.
There are lots of these thinking errors and by recognising them you empower yourself to challenge these negative thoughts.
Reassess the thought, how accurate is it?
Be more realistic, failing a presentation may be a temporary upset, but what is the real impact?
Important: look at the evidence of the negative self-talk. Is there evidence to support it or invalidate it?
Sometimes we’re not in the right mindset and so cannot trust ourselves to evaluate these thoughts accurately. So we have a third method to get on top of negative self-talk.
Discuss your negative self-talk with others
Talk to friends, family or colleagues about how you feel. Sometimes we need a second opinion because the thoughts are overwhelming, we are emotional, tired or habitually self-critical.
Whether it be your professional or personal life, honest feedback can help you. However, it does require a degree of resilience because people may be honest, and you may receive feedback which is upsetting.
For example if you tell a colleague you feel like you can’t handle a work project. They may give you examples of when you succeeded, reassure you or offer advice or help.
Even if they confirm your negative thought, rather than ruminate on it you can formulate a solution. A different perspective on a problem can help solve it.
So, to summarise…
Here we have three great ways to help us deal more healthily with negative self-talk. However we must first recognise and acknowledge negative self-talk.
The 3 methods we’ve discussed here are tools which must be used consistently to be useful. However they can be adapted and improved upon to create the perfect tool to combat negative self-talk.
What was discussed?
Firstly, by reframing the negative self-talk we can turn a negative into a positive, a positive spin which helps to build a healthy habit.
Secondly, challenge the negative thoughts, are they true, false or over exaggerated?
Thirdly, seeking the opinion of others, to help support you and give you their opinion on your negative thoughts. Providing a useful alternative perspective on them.
If you find that your negative thoughts interfere severely with your quality of life, seek professional help, there are many types of therapy and therapists who can help.
Use these strategies to better deal with your negative self-talk, don’t let your inner voice hold you back, turn it into a supporting influence which positively supports and motivates you.