We go through life getting stuff done, an endless list of things that we need to tick off. Work projects, decluttering the garage, booking holidays, sorting out car insurance…
The list is truly endless, once we tick off one thing it’s replaced by another.
This is one of the chores of life and in a way one of the joys, because it can lead to positive emotions.
It’s very satisfying when we get something done, when we can take a breath and think I did that.
However sometimes we get a horribly overwhelmed by the things that we need to do.
So overwhelmed that we can become anxious, negative and despondent – stuck in a sort of limbo, we have so much to do but don’t know how or where to start.
This is when I seek help from people to overcome overwhelm. You may feel that people won’t help, or you should be independent and get through it.
However, I can tell you that even in today’s seemingly shallow and self-obsessed world, people are willing to help.
The reasons why people are more willing, than you think
Contradictory I know, there are people who won’t help. We can’t deny this, there are varied reasons why they’re like this – naturally negative and unhelpful, being self-absorbed or dealing with their own overwhelm.
But there are a lot of reason why people would help you, here are a few of my favourite:
Survival of the species
Known as altruism humans have development a desire to help each other. Especially family or close friends.
Also, there’s reciprocal altruism which is the expectation that helping others will lead to help in return, a favour for a favour.
Empathy for others
Recognising others are in distress, people vary in their degree of empathy. A truly empathic person is sensitive to how another people feel and can relate to their suffering.
The feel good factor
I experience this myself and I recognise it’s a reason why I give to charity. Feel good chemicals are triggered in the brain. Helping others make me and other people feel good.
These limited examples help demonstrate that people are more willing to help than expected.
So, the worst that can happen is that you ask someone for help, and they say no, but the chances are they’ll either help or refer you to someone who can. But the opportunity to overcome overwhelm is worth the risk.
The essential steps to get the support you need to overcome overwhelm
Support can be acquired by simply expressing to people that you are overwhelmed. If the person is willing, they’ll engage with you and help you get through it.
Achieving this by helping you directly or advice which helps you move in the right direction.
This is never a bad shout, because overwhelm has less hold over you when you acknowledge it and talk to others about it.
However here are useful steps you can take to best approach the problem.
#1. Acknowledge that you are overwhelmed
This is the first step, it’s not always easy to recognise what the problem is. You may interpret the feelings of overwhelm as something else, such as a lack of ability or resilience.
By recognising the problem, you progress toward a solution. You gain no benefit trying to get through it by yourself.
If it was something you could cope with yourself, you wouldn’t feel so overwhelmed.
#2. Narrow in on what is overwhelming you
There could be a single task which is causing you to be overwhelmed, such as a house move. Which in reality is many smaller tasks, which done successfully contribute to a successful house move.
Alternatively, you could be overwhelmed by the quantity of tasks. Which individually could be completed, but due to the number of tasks, the result is paralysis and inaction.
Make a list of what’s overwhelming you, this may help you to clarify what needs to be done. Writing down your problems is a great way to release pent up frustration, this process can reduce the burden.
If this is not the case and the burden hasn’t been reduced or appears more overwhelming. Because it’s become clear how much needs doing, then at least some clarity has resulted.
#3. Identify what support you would like
This can make it easier to understand what sort of help you needed to overcome overwhelm. It can include emotional support; having someone to talk to and empathise with your struggle. A reassuring hug can make a big difference, knowing someone is on your side.
You might be seeking help with tasks; when you don’t know how to do something but know someone who does, their help can be invaluable. I find this with DIY, whenever there’s a plumbing issue in the house there’s always a family member who can help.
Many tasks do not require physical help, so advice or guidance would be beneficial instead.
When a person passes their driving test advice and guidance from friends and family is essential. It helps to reduce the overwhelm, for example how to buy a car and deal with the related paperwork.
#4. Reach out to the people who can help
This is not a perfect science, I know people who’ve had experience of this and it’s turned out badly. When they spoke to a trusted friend about an issue, and instead of support they received insults and no sympathy.
Hopefully this is rare, and family and friends can be trusted to help. You’ll have a good idea of who can help and who’ll be willing to help.
The person you ask for help is dependent on the task. If it’s work related you can speak to family for support and advice, then talk to colleagues who can help directly with the situation.
Although this article focuses on task related overwhelm, it can be relevant to any overwhelm. It seems very simplistic in its approach but at a time of overwhelm it can be difficult to think clearly.
Therefore simple advice given in a structured and useable way can help in times of stress.
To summarise, remember that people are programmed to want to help. Although it may not feel like it the majority of people will help. But do remain vigilant of them abusing your trust or using your vulnerability against you.
Once you acknowledge you are overwhelmed clarify what is overwhelming you, try to describe it the best you can.
With this information identify what support would be preferable and most helpful. Then reach out to someone who could help.
The basic idea is you ask for help when you need it. If there aren’t people at work or in your social circle who can help, consider contacting professionals who can help you.
Finally, a lesson I’ve learnt is that asking for help can initiate a supportive long lasting friendship or help create a stronger bond with friends, family or colleagues.
Making public vulnerability can be uncomfortable, and unethical people can use it against you. But it’s more likely that people will empathise with you and support you to overcome overwhelm.
Other related articles you might find interesting
How To Be More Productive: Break Down Tasks