The fear of failure can be a deciding factor for how well you do in life.
It’s influenced the choices I’ve made. For me it was the fear of failure of public speaking. Because of this fear I didn’t risk public speaking. Which resulted in a wasted opportunity for career development and personal growth.
The idea of speaking in public made me imagine the worst possible outcome – embarrassment, ridicule, job loss…
But understanding the fear of failure gave me a better understanding of how to overcome it.
Practical ways to think differently about the fear of failure. Methods which give you the opportunity to overcome your fear of failure and achieve success.
But first a little about why we have a fear of failure and what the consequences of it are?
Why do we have a fear of failure?
The reason we fear and worry about certain things in life is complicated.
Think of a fear you have, can you identify why you have that fear?
A fear of failure can be caused by many things, here are a few examples:
What are the consequences of a fear of failure?
We’ve discussed some of the consequences. There are many emotional and psychological reasons for the fear of failure. Including anxiety, depression and low self-esteem. Being fearful of doing something which is important can lead to these emotional issues.
Being fearful of public speaking led me to have low self-esteem, feeling disappointed in myself and doubting my own abilities. This then reinforced my anxiety when confronted with the possibility of public speaking.
Had the fear of public speaking impacted my earning power and how others perceived me, I may have felt shame which may have led to depression. But for me it wasn’t that important and primarily led to disappointment and a reduction in career opportunities.
The resolve to remain in our comfort zone despite the consequences is a common consequence a fear of failure. Also, the fear of failure leads to procrastination, putting off something which needs to be done, possibly until it’s too late.
Negative self-talk can result from a fear of failure. Having failed to take the opportunity to become a public speaker I reinforced negative self-talk, which then impacted other parts of my life.
In addition to the above, physical issues can result (verywellmind), these can include dizziness, rapid heart rate, digestive problems and others physical issues.
The fear of failure can lead to many other consequences, depending on the person, situation and severity of the fear.
So how could I have overcome my fear of public speaking? How can you overcome your fears?
How to overcome or reduce the fear of failure?
#1. Reframe failure as essential to learning
Change your idea of what failure is, it’s inevitable. Rather than thinking of it as the end result, think of it as a learning process or learning opportunity.
Failure and mistakes we make along the way are essential for learning, without experimentation and practice we wouldn’t be driving, walking or doing anything productive.
For example, imagine an employee who applies for promotion. Not getting the promotion could result in negativity, or be reframed positively, as a learning opportunity.
#2. Be realistic about what failure means
If an employee didn’t go for promotion because of the fear of failure, what would the worst outcome be?
Worst case scenario could include: not being promoted, feeling upset, and a loss of respect from peers.
Would this worst-case scenario be worth not taking the risk?
Be realistic, what is the worst case scenario? What is the likelihood of it happening? How much would it impact you?
#3. Challenge your negative thoughts
The ability to be aware of the negative thoughts empowers you to challenge them. Write down the negative thoughts and question their validity.
For example, if a learner driver let negative thoughts control them, they may never take their driving test. Leading to wasted money, time and effort.
If their negative thought was ‘I’m not ready for this test’, they can challenge it by acknowledging that their driving instructor believes they’re ready.
#4. Take small risks to build up to big risks
If the fear of failure prevents you doing what you want to do – then start small.
I could have taken small risks with public speaking, for example talking in front of a small group, learning from it and gaining confidence and resilience.
This would have allowed me to become competent and confident speaking to bigger and bigger groups.
Start small and build up, push yourself a little further each time.
#5. Just take action, whatever the fear
A book which covers this topic is: Susan Jeffers book ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’. The title gives you the fundamental idea for this method.
Although obviously there is more to it, but essentially, although it initially feels challenging – take action and face the fear head on.
If for example you feared asking someone out, not facing your fear would have lasting consequences; regret, reinforcement of the fear and a lost opportunity for love.
But, just do it, and you’ll end procrastination and even if you fail you’ll build resilience and gain experience.
#6. Share your fear with others who can help
This is best achieved with someone you trust, a partner, close friend or relative. Someone you know who will listen and be genuinely interested in your wellbeing.
By having someone on your side, you have someone to confess your fears to, which helps lessen anxiety and gives you useful feedback.
If you feared an upcoming challenge talking to someone could result in useful advice and a confidence boost. Also, they would help you look at your endeavor from a different perspective.
If these and other methods don’t work, try this…
What if you’ve done your research, found a load of strategies, but they don’t work. Consequently, you find that the fear of failure increasingly impacts your quality of life, then seek professional help.
You could book an appointment with your doctor, explain what the issue is and how it impacts your life.
They may see value in medication, to help alleviate feelings of anxiety or depression associated with the fear.
Also, therapy can help to challenge negative thought patterns and address the emotions and behaviors that contribute to the fear of failure (Hjeltnes et al.,).
There are many therapies available, a popular one is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). A talking therapy, which for example helps you challenge negative thoughts.
The fear of failure impacts people differently, for some it restricts their opportunities and has no serious impact. However, for others it can seriously impact their standard of life and lead to emotional issues like depression.
The fear of failure is complex, sometimes we don’t know what has caused it, but we’re aware of the problems it causes.
So, do something about it, we’ve looked at some practical strategies, experiment with them, see if they work.
Help is available if none of the self-help methods work. Don’t let your fears spiral out of control.
Persevere, before you know it the fear will be a distant memory. We’ve all overcome fears, and looking back, wondered: why did I ever worry about that?
References
Jeffers S. Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway: How to Turn Your Fear and Indecision into Confidence and Action. Published 2007
Hjeltnes A, Binder PE, Moltu C, Dundas I. Facing the fear of failure: An explorative qualitative study of client experiences in a mindfulness-based stress reduction program for university students with academic evaluation anxiety. Int J Qual Stud Health Well-being. 2015
Meier SM, Deckert J. Genetics of anxiety disorders. Curr Psychiatry Rep. 2019
Kendra Cherry, MSEd. How to Deal with the Fear of Failure. Updated on December 07, 2023. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-fear-of-failure-5176202