A regret is a decision we made, which resulted in an undesirable outcome. Which we typically compare to an alternative choice which was available to us. Regret is normal, but it makes us feel bad.
So in this article you’ll find useful tips to alter your perspective of regret, to feel better and reduce the impact of your decisions.
Regrets can be small or large, a small regret could be eating too many biscuits, having a hangover or staying up too late before a workday. They have a temporary impact which fades over a few days.
However larger regrets last much longer, potentially a lifetime. These regrets could include: staying in a bad relationship for years, poor investment decisions or spending too much time at work and missing the kids growing up.
Regret is an unpleasant emotion, it’s caused by a decision that cannot be undone, and in hindsight is obviously wrong. They make us feel down, tired from sleeplessness nights or worse – depression.
How we deal with regret is important, it can be positive, teaching us a valuable lesson and a chance for personal growth. Here are ways to change your perspective of regrets, to help you cope with them better and be a happier you.
Perspectives on regret
1#. Acknowledge your regrets
Recognising and acknowledging your regrets helps you understand why you feel the way you do. This gives us the opportunity to deal with regret the right way.
We’re able to work our way through the feelings we have. Ignoring and trying to downplay these feelings just leads to them nagging away at you.
Acknowledging them means that you can move from a negative emotional state to a positive emotional state. It helps us to refocus our mental energy on our purpose in life.
2#. Regrets are learning opportunities
They’re an excellent opportunity, as a tool for leaning. If we regret something it’s because we made or believe we made a wrong choice.
When we recognise that we are feeling regretful, we can scrutinise why we feel the way we do. Which helps identify what’s important in life, and to consider what you might have done differently.
This means that we can avoid making the same mistake again, and make better decisions.
3#. You have resilience
Remember that you are a resilient person, you’ve had regrets before but got through it. Throughout our lives we would have had many regrets, but have managed to battle through and move on.
Whatever the regret is, time is a healer, it will fade, you will feel differently after a while. You have the resources to deal with anything that is thrown at you.
4#. Everybody has regrets
Regret always feels very personal, like we’re the only ones who feel it, but its universal, everybody has regrets, it’s a normal part of being human.
Theres no need to feel isolated and in pain, it’s so common, everybody has it and everybody moves on as best they can, so can we.
5#. What is done, is done
We cannot turn back the clock and undo a decision we made, so accept that the regret is what it is and can’t be undone.
A different spin can be put on it, as we are doing now. Just take a lesson from what’s happened, use it to make better decisions in the future, and remember that you can’t turn back time.
6#. Regret is a tool for growth
They’re a useful tool for personal growth, but only if we learn from them. They can be a great source of motivation and inspiration.
Recognise that you have regrets because of a wrong decision you made. But that you can move on and grow as a person.
Avoid the mistake of avoiding doing something because you have regrets, for example avoiding getting into a relationship because of a previously bad one will only hamper progress.
7#. Yesterday you were a different person
Each day we become a different person, new experiences lead to learning, the decisions that you made in the past were made by a different version of you.
Often when we’re young we make decisions that we regret when we become more mature, but this young you, is not the current you.
8#. Take ownership of your regrets
The choices you make are your own, blaming others can make it worse and take away any benefits derived from it.
Take ownership of the things you have done that may not have turned out as you would have liked, this way we have control over our own actions, by blaming others we lose our chance for personal growth, because to choose a victim mentality.
9#. Time is a healer of regret
Not very reassuring when you’re feeling down about something you’ve done, but like most traumatic or upsetting experiences time is a healer, and the emotions you feel now will dissipate.
Think back to a time when you felt very emotionally upset about something, does it have the same intense emotion now as it did them?
We heal, and strong emotions lessen, think of a relationship breakdown, intense and horrible in the moment and afterwards, but now a distant memory.
10#. Perfection is an illusion
As human being we are imperfect, it’s impossible to make the right decision every time or be a perfect person. Mistakes are essential for us to grow, develop and become better, well rounded individuals.
Striving for perfection will lead to making the wrong decision, leading to regrets which have a much greater impact than accepting that we are flawed and regrets are inevitable.
11#. Talk about your regrets to others
A burden shared is apparently a burden halved, but there is a truth to this, it helps you get something off your chest and can provide you with a different point of view.
Talk to another person about a regret, and they’ll tell you about their regrets. This will help you heal and hopefully feel better, with a more realistic outlook on your regret.
Therapy is an excellent alternative if you don’t feel that you can open up to somebody you know. Therapy provides many benefits, if you feel you need it, seek help, don’t suffer.
12#. We make the best decision at the time
When we make a decision, we have the best information available to us at the time. We don’t purposely try to make wrong decisions.
We make the decision which we believe is right at the time, for example if we invested in a private pension which turned out to be a dud, we made what we thought was the right decision at the time.
In Conclusion…
Regrets like everything we do in life provide us with learning and a chance for personal growth.
The important thing is that we embrace and learn from the things that go wrong in our lives. Ruminating will only cause us harm, acknowledge your regrets, learn from them and change.
Having the ability to avoid making the same mistake again means we can progress rather than become trapped in a circle of destruction and negativity.
These tips will help you to change your perspective of regret, to feel better and happier in yourself and more content with the decisions you’ve made.