Control of our lives is something we all strive for. But trying to control things outside of our control is a waste of our time and causes undue worry.
The anxiety and unease which comes with worry can be positive. When it helps us recognise things that need doing. It can be a great motivator, giving us that push we need to get going.
However, excess worry impacts on our mental and physical health. It can cause negativity, exhaustion, headaches, high blood pressure and other harmful effects.
So, by reducing worry we can be more productive, positive and happier in life. A great way to achieve this is by having the awareness of what we can and can’t control in life.
What we can control in life, well sort of!
We have a degree of control over what’s going on in our heads and how we behave, react and act.
Having an awareness and understanding of our thoughts, emotions and why we do what we do can better help us to regulate ourselves. Resultingly, we have more control over ourselves.
However, the amount of control over these things varies significantly depending on how self-aware you are, your state of mind and what’s happening at the time.
So, what things do we have a degree of control over?
How you interpret and respond to situations
This is a very personal thing and with a growth mindset and positive attitude, events will be interpreted in a constructive way.
The way you talk to yourself in your head
Self-talk can be positive or negative. Negative self-talk is common and can be automatic. But having an awareness of negative self-talk enables us to do something about it. Empowering us to change the habit of negative self-talk and create a positive habit.
The decisions we make or don’t make
We can make decisions to do something or not do something. The decisions we make are based on the information we have at the time.
Others can influence our decisions but ultimately, we choose a course of action.
Your good and bad habits
These are things we do regularly and often subconsciously. But we’re usually aware of them so have power over them.
If you habitually consume junk food, you know about it and can choose to eat more healthily.
The effort you expend on something
We have control over the amount of effort we put into achieving something. The choice can be to focus and strive for a certain outcome or muddle through and hope it gets done.
This often relates to what motivates us, the ability to remain motivated is within our control.
Relationships with people
You can choose who to have in your life and the interactions you have and how you communicate with others.
Although this is a choice we may have to deal with negative people, or others who have a detriment to our mental and physical health.
Your physical health and mental health
You have a degree of control over this through your lifestyle choices, what you consume, if you exercise and strategies to cope with life.
There’s plenty you can do to improve your health, cutting back on sugar and alcohol is a great start.
If you struggle with your mental health you can choose to seek professional help.
The environment you live and work in
We have some control over the environment we live and work in. But the environment we’re exposed to varies significantly on financial position and the life we were born into.
So, we’re now aware that we have a degree of control over our thoughts, behaviour and actions.
However, it’s more important be aware of what we can’t control in life, to help reduce worry.
The things that we can’t control in life
These are the things that we can worry about needlessly, because we have little control over them. They include things like the external environment, world events, and the people we interact with.
The actions of other people
We cannot control other people, the decisions they make and their actions. We may have some influence over people who are close to us like our children but ultimately people will do what suits them.
If you have no influence over someone it’s not worth worrying about their actions. For example we may disagree with what politicians do, but we have no say or influence over their actions.
Things that occur in the future
We can plan for the future, but our ability to plan for every event is limited. There are many natural disasters around the world, although we cannot predict them or control them, we can prepare for local events.
Time and effort can be expended in preparation for events in the future, which may never happen. Uncertainty about the future is normal, but we must remain rational, and through rationality limit worry.
What other people think of us
It’s common that we want to be liked by others. However, this isn’t always the case, whatever we do some people may dislike us. We need to accept that not everyone will like us.
This can lead to receiving undeserved criticism, and although you can’t control what they say about you, you can use strategies to better deal with their criticism.
Think of someone you don’t like, you may not know why you don’t like them, you just don’t. So don’t worry about being liked by everybody.
Things that have already happened
The past is the past, it’s gone, we have no control over it. I’m sure most of us wish we had a time machine so we could go back and change something.
Regrets are a normal part of the human experience, they result because we made a choice which may have in hindsight appeared to be the wrong one. But don’t let regrets hold you back, accept them and stop worrying.
We’ve made many mistakes, and yes we do regret them, but they’re a great learning tool which used correctly can be beneficial.
The outcome of our actions
Whilst we have control over what we do, once things are put into action we lose control. If we have a job interview however well we’ve prepared or done in the interview once it’s done we have no control over the outcome.
Once we’ve put something into action and have no control over the outcome, worrying is a waste of mental energy. An example of our actions which we worry excessively about are mistakes. We must deal with mistakes in a better more effective way.
Inevitable ill health, aging or accidents
With advances in science and knowledge about diseases and aging we can do things to help maintain good health. Like eating well, exercising and avoiding toxic behaviours.
However, illnesses and aging are inevitable, the older we get the more likely we’ll become ill. We cannot control this, so should avoid worrying. Ironically worrying about illness could increase the likelihood of us becoming ill.
There’s a good chance we will be involved in some kind of accident in our lifetime. However, worrying about it doesn’t benefit us, unless we can take steps to mitigate it. But the odds of being in a serious accident are rare.
Global events and the economy
Again, we can prepare for the worst but often this will involve actions which have a negative impact. If you save all your money for an extreme negative economic event, which never happens you’ve missed spending money on things you enjoy.
It’s natural to worry about financial instability, but the economy is what it is. If there is an economic crash it’s out of your control.
Worrying about global events such as war is wasted energy, you can in no way prevent these events.
Conclusion…
There are things we can control, things we have a degree of control over and things we have no control over. What we’ve identified is that worrying about things we have no control over can be harmful both mentally and physically.
If we wrote a list of our worries and put a tick next to the ones which were out of our control, we would have a very long list and a lot of ticks.
Acknowledging that we cannot control everything makes life more pleasant. We can live life to the full, freeing up our time to be more productive.
To thrive in an unpredictable world, we need to question our degree of control. This allows us to respond to events in a positive, productive way. Thus if we develop our resilience and build a positive mindset we can deal with life’s events and reduce worry.