Midlife is a wakeup call, an opportunity to change. It’s not too late.
Why? Because we reflect on who we are, where we’ve been, and where we want to go.
By the time we reach midlife, something changes, whether it’s the ageing process, or life changes. Whatever the reason may be, midlife is a significant milestone in our lives. A time of reflection when we think about our life, including our regrets.
Regret is a normal part of life, but the chaotic and goal-focused nature of our lives distracts us from these regrets.
In midlife we feel that opportunities become limited, when things such as relationship and career changes feel scary.
When we were younger, these things didn’t worry us, because we had time. But we get to a point when we reflect and regret.
We can’t change the past. But we can change what we do now to fix some of those regrets or simply make life better.
So, here are five common midlife regrets and how you can take ownership of them and live better.
1. Staying in Your Comfort Zone
Our comfort zone is our safe place—same routine, job, and relationships. It’s a collection of things that we build up over time.
In midlife, we realise we’ve been playing it too safe. It’s no easy challenge to step out of your comfort zone; it feels uncomfortable.
It’s easy to follow the path we’ve always followed. When I drive around my town, I always take the same routes because it feels right.
Comfort feels safe, but inaction leads to regret. Think of the opportunities you turned down from fear of the unknown.
What you can do now:
• Try something new, like starting a new hobby or learning a new skill
• Say yes to opportunities you normally turn down
• Drive a different route, visit a different coffee shop
Growth doesn’t require a complete life overhaul—just a willingness to step slightly outside your comfort zone. Before you know it, you’ll be doing things you never thought possible.
2. Not Doing More With Your Time
This doesn’t refer to being busy and feeling you’re not making the best of your time. Often, we have to do things we would prefer not to be doing.
Instead, this refers to not using your free time effectively. Doing nothing useful can result in lifelong regret.
It’s about spending time unproductively, such as scrolling on your phone for hours or watching TV, instead of doing more fulfilling things.
Fulfilling pursuits are varied, but could include going on a bike ride, visiting family, or getting those painting chores done.
A regret I had was not using my leisure time productively. So, I took up gravel cycling, turned the TV off, and did something I found fulfilling.
We can all benefit from using our free time better.
What you can do now:
• Create a simple bucket list
• Pick one experience to commit to this year
• Stop waiting for the “perfect time”
I’ve ticked off all three above with my 50 before 50 bucket list, one of which is to visit 50 castles before 50.
I’ve learnt that there’s never a perfect time to tick things off your bucket list. Don’t let excuses get in the way—the weather is bad, I’m tired, I’ll do it tomorrow.
If you haven’t already, create a bucket list—you’ll reap the benefits.
3. Letting Relationships Stagnate or Fade
Relationships naturally change; they develop into long-lasting relationships, fade, or stagnate.
If a current relationship is full of negativity and should come to a natural conclusion, then let it happen. But if a relationship has value and should be maintained and developed, then work on it.
A regret we often have in midlife is not keeping in contact with friends or family. This is often due to neglect.
We have busy lives, but once we pause and reflect, we often realise that we’ve neglected important relationships.
This can happen in any relationship and is common between partners, who may stop communicating and drift apart.
Whatever the relationship, if it’s important, it should be nurtured and worked on.
What you can do now:
• Reach out to someone you’ve lost touch with
• Make time for people who matter
• Be the one to make the effort
All of these can be achieved with a message or call. Making time for people who matter should always be a priority.
But for those people you’ve lost touch with, make the effort to contact them. Even if you no longer have much in common and it doesn’t work out, you’ve tried.
Neglecting a relationship leads to regret; working on a relationship, even if it ends in failure, can be the best option.
4. Neglecting Your Health Until Midlife
In principle, living a healthy life is easy: eat the right foods, exercise, and minimise stress. But life tends to get in the way.
Before we know it, we hit midlife, overweight, stressed, and unfit. But it’s never too late to get healthy. If anything, now it’s even more important.
So, if you want to put a stop to health regret, then you have to take action.
What you can do now:
• Start small and be consistent
• Work to improve your diet gradually
• Stop seeking perfection
These are simple, actionable tips. Eat an apple a day, drink a glass of water. Keep it simple—create good habits, then add more good habits.
Do the opposite with the bad habits—reduce them slowly, bit by bit. If you try to do everything at once, you’ll fail. We want consistency, for long-term health benefits.
5. Not Being Your Authentic Self
Authentic self is a fancy way of saying “be yourself” or who you want to be. A regret we can have in midlife is not being who we want to be.
The luxury of midlife is that we have the confidence to be who we are, instead of living up to the expectations of friends, family, and society.
Reflection in midlife gives us the opportunity to be who we want to be and do what we want to do. When I was younger, I felt embarrassed pursuing some of the interests I liked because they aren’t seen as cool.
But now I’m older, I don’t care—I can do what I want. I have an interest in disused canals and railways. Not an interest I would have pursued when I was younger, but I’m more secure in myself.
What you can do now:
• List the ways you’re not being authentic
• Make small changes that feel right
• Make goals and pursue them
Once you start being your authentic self, you can live your life how you want to live it. Others may not like who you become, but if it feels right and doesn’t harm others, it’s worth the risk.
Midlife Regret Isn’t the Problem
Instead, doing nothing about it is. We can’t change the past, but we can choose what to do in the present—to take control of who we are and what we do.
The choices we make in the present shape our future and have an impact on the next half of our life. The way to start is simple: start small, take action, and be consistent.
Whether it’s stepping out of your comfort zone, using your time better, working on relationships, improving your health, or being yourself—it starts with you choosing to take action.