Challenge the Idea of a Midlife Crisis
Midlife is stealthy. Out of the blue it’s suddenly here. You knew it was coming, and now it’s here, and you can’t quite believe it.
We’ve all heard the phrase “midlife crisis.” It normally happens to people in their 40s or 50s, a time when we question our life and its direction.
How we respond to it can predict the success or failure of the years ahead. We make decisions which lead to positive or negative outcomes. Consider these options:
• Buying an expensive car or luxury item
• Quitting a stable job
• Major relationship decisions
• Reliving your youth
Each, if done impulsively and without thought, can lead to disaster. However, a decision made with due care and consideration will lead to a better outcome.
For example, a new flashy sports car could leave you struggling with car payments and regret. But if it’s a lifelong dream, which has been carefully considered and is affordable, it can be the fulfilment of a lifelong ambition.
The same goes for each of these decisions — they can lead to negative or positive outcomes. For example, if you’re in a bad relationship, it’s been worked on with no progress, the right choice could be separation. In the short-term it will be painful, but in the long-term it could benefit you both.
I like to think of a “midlife crisis” more as a period of reflection which, when thought through, can result in a reset leading to an even more fulfilling life.
We Hit Midlife and Realise Time is Finite
Remember when we were younger and felt invincible? Time went by slowly and when we fell, we bounced. A contrast to midlife, but was life really better then?
Being older and bolder has its perks. We tend to be financially stable, more confident and secure in who we are.
Midlife gives us cause to reflect. We no longer perceive time as infinite. We live in reality and know that time passes, fast, and it will end one day.
This means we begin to compare the years that have passed with the years ahead. This can cause anxiety and a deep sense of unease.
Ageing is often perceived as a negative thing. As a culture, we focus on the bad rather than the good, which is sad because the good far outweighs the bad. This includes:
Self-awareness
We understand who we are, our values, strengths, weaknesses, and what’s important to us.
Confidence
We have lived, are resilient, and are less concerned with what others think of us. Which gives us the confidence to be ourselves without worry of criticism.
Wisdom
Experience means we judge situations better and make more reasoned decisions.
Why Midlife is a Time of Reflection for Us
Each of us lives different lives and our inner worlds are very different. So, the reasons we reflect on our lives in midlife vary greatly.
Here are a few reasons I’ve recognised, some in myself and others:
Life slows down and we have time to breathe
Midlife can lead to a slowdown, a time to take a breath. For example, I recognised that I was no longer chasing work promotions, I’d achieved the stability I desired.
For other people different life circumstances could have led to a slow down, such as children moving away from home.
Big life changes or milestones
As above, children move away and suddenly the nest is empty. Or, as with me, careers plateau and satisfaction is found rather than continually chasing more money.
Age itself can be a significant milestone, as it comes with a burden of stereotypes — which others place on us and which we place on ourselves.
Changes in our body and mind
I remember when I was younger hearing “older people” sigh when they stood up or tied a shoelace. Now I find myself doing it, even if I try not to.
Our bodies age, I feel achier than I used to, a natural thing which makes us realise we’re getting older.
Also, I’ve become more like my parents. Do you find this too?
Future priorities become a reality
The idea of retirement, which was just a word in your 30s, has a different meaning the closer we get to it. Suddenly we feel the need to plan financially for our future.
The Problem With Calling It a Crisis
A simple word used innocently, but one which has negative connotations. How we use language influences how we feel about events.
So, when we refer to changes in midlife, rather than a crisis I personally prefer reflection, reset or new beginning. A reframing to feel more optimistic about these changes.
Take ownership of it and change the conversation. It’s an opportunity to take stock, assess our priorities and get excited again about life.
I’ve achieved this by creating a bucket list. I previously had a list of 40 things I wanted to achieve before 40, and now I’m onto my 50 before 50.
So, to put this simply, we can reframe what is described as a crisis into an opportunity for positive change.
If you don’t know where to start, try creating a bucket list — it can help improve wellbeing and purpose in life.
Resetting the Direction of Our Life
Feeling like you’ve lost your purpose, have no direction, or don’t know who you are anymore can all be signs that it’s time for a reset.
Rather than plodding along feeling more miserable with each passing day, view your current life situation as an opportunity.
It may be difficult if you’ve defined yourself by your kids, your career or something else. Now is the time when you can do what you’ve always wanted to do.
What you want to do or what type of person you want to be is up to you.
For example, if there’s a hobby or a volunteering opportunity you’ve always wanted to try, you can do it.
If you’ve always wanted to get fit and do a triathlon, now might be the time. You can define who you want to be. The possibilities are pretty much limitless.
There are Advantages to Midlife
Culturally we don’t deal with age well. Some do, but the majority of people feel down about getting older, and struggle to identify any benefits.
There is however, a long list of advantages to midlife, including:
Experience and perspective – life experience is underappreciated. We may sometimes overthink things because we know more about the world than we did when we were younger. But when push comes to shove, we have the resilience, to get through most things.
You know yourself better – we have a clear idea of who we are, and our strengths and weaknesses are well established.
Less need to impress – we feel less pressure to prove ourselves to people, as we’re more relaxed and true to who we are.
More freedom to make your own choices – being financially stable and having a stable family and home life gives us freedom to do what we want.
Greater confidence to try new things – compared with our 20s and 30s, we often underestimate how much more confident we are now.
In Conclusion to Why Midlife is a Reset
The idea of a midlife crisis has been popularised by the media for decades. Men buying sports cars, making impulsive decisions, or dramatically changing their lives has become a cultural stereotype.
However, what many people experience in midlife is not necessarily a crisis at all. Instead, it’s often a period of reflection and reassessment.
During midlife, people think more about their priorities, their future, and how they want the next stage of life to develop.
Rather than something to fear, midlife should be viewed as a natural and valuable stage of personal growth. It is a time in life when possibilities are still limitless.