Introvert or extrovert? If you’ve clicked your way here, you probably feel you’re an introvert. But you’ll get a good idea if you read on, we also bust some introvert myths, look at common introvert traits and dispel common negative perceptions of introverts.
Introvert myths busted
The common view of an introvert is someone who is shy and retiring, dislikes being around people and less than exciting or successful. Whereas we perceive extroverts as the extreme opposite, the life of the party, exciting and successful.
Lets dispel this and some other myths which are thought of as fact.
Either introvert or extrovert
As a species we like to catalogue and put things into nice boxes, but personality doesn’t work like that, and although introvert and extrovert are personality traits, they’re actually on a spectrum.
At one end is introvert and the other extrovert, each of us lies on different parts of this spectrum, some more introvert than other. We may move on the spectrum, depending on the situation or mood we’re in at the time. But generally we remain within certain boundaries, this is what I find personally, and I’m happy to be an introvert.
There are tests/quizzes to help you find out if you’re an introvert of extrovert?
Introverts are in the minority
It’s easy to believe that introverts are a small minority of the population, with the popularity of social media it appears that everybody is an extrovert.
But we notice extroverts more easily because they can be loud and outrageous and love to be seen by others. However in reality about a third of the population is further down the spectrum towards introvert, but it’s difficult to access the true figure, which could be much greater.
An introvert is shy
We have a bad reputation for being viewed as withdrawn and unsociable. We’re also viewed as being shy, however shyness and being an introvert are not the same thing. A shy person is anxious and worried about spending time with people in social situations, whereas an introvert enjoys spending time with people in social situations, but may find it tiring and have a limited reserve for social interaction.
We’ve dispelled some of the main myths, there are many more besides these. But why aren’t we all introvert or extrovert, why this variety?
Why am I an introvert?
Nature vs. nurture
Was I born an introvert or is it something that I’ve evolved over time. This is the usual nature vs. nurture debate, and as with most personality types it’s likely that it’s a bit of both.
Our genes give us the opportunity to be whatever we want (within reason), but they can influence how we turn our. This and how we are brought up, and our life experiences determine where we sit on the spectrum of – introvert or extrovert.
People much smarter than me have spent hundreds of years contemplating these issues, human beings are complicated beings, we are neither one thing or the other, which is why it’s so difficult to catagorise us into specific personality types.
Do personality tests work?
Personality tests may give an indication of what a person is like, but they can’t definitively categorise people. We change as we age, our experiences and how we interact with people and the world effects who we are – we are both fluid and in ways static beings. Put another way we can change as individuals, but maybe not excessively.
But we can get an idea of whether we are more of an introvert or extrovert, this can be useful information to better understand ourselves and adapt how we deal with certain situations and people.
But limiting and categorising ourselves as one thing or another in an obsessive and life restricting way does not benefit us, so view these types of tests as guidance and not fact.
What makes an introvert?
Here are a number of traits that are commonly associated with introverts, all of which I recognise in myself to various degrees. Traits that you may recognise within yourself:
Alone time is essential
Life can be tiring and for introverts spending time with other people can be especially tiring, so we like our alone time – how to end a conversation the right way. This doesn’t mean we don’t want to spend time with people, just that it takes a lot out of us.
This alone time gives us an opportunity to recharge, being alone is essential for this, whether it be reading, watching TV, painting or walking.
Steven Spielberg the well know film director has a work life that requires spending many hours around people, but he would happily admit spending time alone getting lost in movies, as a great way to spend time alone and recharge.
Introverts prefer small gatherings
Introverts like spending time with other people but they’re fussy who they spend time with, and prefer small groups in settings where an activity is taking place or settings where they’re able to chat.
Large crowds of people can be overwhelming and tiring to an introvert, who will seek an individual or smaller group of people to chat to.
The actress Meryl Streep is well-known in the world of acting, but she too is someone who would rather avoid large dinner parties or award shows, for smaller intimate gatherings.
As with Meryl Streep introverts can attend large events and thrive at them, but they’re not a preference of introverts, and are more challenging than to someone who is more extrovert.
A small social circle
Introverts tend to have a smaller group of friends than extroverts, but these friendships are deep and meaningful. These are likely people they’ve know for a long time, or people who have commons interests.
When they get together they tend to keep it to a small group. Bill Gates who was instrumental in creating Microsoft has mentioned that he prefers to spend time alone or with a small group of people.
Although introverts may prefer to spend time with people they know, they are adept at socialising with all types of people, which is helped by having a high degree of empathy.
Introverts are deep thinkers
When asked a question, introverts tend to think deeply about the question which can be frustrating for others. This is because they are deep thinkers, who are reflective. This is something I do, but have found that sometimes it causes me to overthink and procrastinate.
Introverts have great self-awareness and are introspective and thoughtful, so are able to analyse and ask themselves why they feel the way they do. This skill enables introverts to be less angry and reactive in many situations that upset them – because they understand themselves.
Because introverts are deep thinkers they tend to think through what they say, which makes them good communicators, they want to be able to get across what they’re thinking accurately, and prefer to speak only when they have something meaningful to say. Unfortunately this can be interpreted as being shy or aloof.
Introverts are focused and observant
Given room to work introverts can focus on any task, and hone in on the important details. Which helps them identify details which others miss, they’re also great problem solvers and recognise opportunities.
Mark Zuckerberg who jointly founded Facebook, would say he is an introvert, the focus, problem-solving and ability to observe the world around him, led him to see an opportunity, and change the world of social media forever.
Can I stop being an introvert?
Yes and No. But why would you want to, yes it may appear to be exciting to be an extrovert, all the things that come with it, it would be unlikely that you could change all the traits that make you an introvert.
We are able to act ‘as if’, basically pretending we are extroverted but this will make you feel as though you’re betraying your true self. It will also be tiring and you wouldn’t be able to keep it up, this is the sort of thing actors do. You have likely used this technique when appropriate and realised how tiring it is.
Like any personality trait much of it is so ingrained and makes us who we are. The traits of an introvert are often very positive, being empathic and having a small but quality group of friends.
But we are adaptable and can change, if we want to enlarge our social group we can explore suitable options like joining clubs, taking part in sporting events, or being more open with people we already meet on a daily basis. Any of these could lead to making a deeper connection and building a real friendship.
In conclusion…
The world of introverts is far more subtle and interesting than the stereotypical view. We all have different personalities and we can sit anywhere on that spectrum between introvert and extrovert.
We’ve looked at the traits which indicate whether you’re an introvert. We learnt that introverts are not shy and although we have a preference for quiet settings and alone time we are sociable people.
If anything, we have profound strength which can be harnessed for personal growth, an inward looking and self-critical nature which can be both useful or potentially destructive. But as with any personality trait there are positives and negatives.
Being an introvert is not something which needs fixing, simply being aware that you are an introvert means that we can forgive ourselves for feeling certain emotions and making life work around being an introvert.
So embrace being introverted, it’s not a flaw, it’s who you are and has wonderful benefits. It gives us the ability to be self-reflective to be able to adapt and change the way we react to situations. We live in a world of possibilities, opportunities made for introverts to take advantage of, and thrive.