How to Learn from Mistakes

What’s the last mistake you made? Think of how it made you feel or how it caused you to behave.

A common reaction is to inwardly cringe and try to forget it. But this is a missed opportunity, we should all learn from mistakes, as the author Richard Bach says:

“Mistakes – call them unexpected learning experiences.” 

Every mistake, big or small is a chance to learn something, anything. Here we’ll learn how to change the way we respond to them.

To take a negative experience and use it to become more knowledgeable, resilient, adaptable and confident.

What is a mistake?

We see them as negative, some sort of error in judgement or action, we fear making mistakes.

Which is understandable as a mistake normally results in a bad thing happening. Such as, having a bump in your car, spilling coffee or sending an email to the wrong person.

So, they can vary wildly, being either a big or small. With a varying degree of impact on us depending how we react and respond to the consequence of the mistake.

Why do we struggle with mistakes?

As mentioned above we struggle with mistakes because they are seen as a negative thing.

Something which can damage our confidence and embarrass us in front of people.

We achieve many small successes everyday, from driving home safely, changing a lightbulb or completing our taxes. But we dismiss successes and focus on mistakes.

For the hundreds of small successes we have each week we ruminate on the one mistake.

So we struggle with mistakes because they steal our focus and cause us to ruminate and have negative thoughts.

Why learn from mistakes?

Would it not be better to try to forget them, to put them to the back of our mind.

Easier said than done, it’s hard to forget and forgive ourselves for a mistake. So an alternative is to embrace it, to make the most of them.

After all, it’s happened and can’t be undone, so why not benefit from it.

Learning from mistakes can help reduce our regret, because a lesson learnt means we take a negative event and put a positive spin on it.

If new driver had just passed their driving test and gone on to have a prang, they could respond by:

1. Regretting their actions, losing confidence and avoiding driving, or
2. Acknowledging and owning their mistake, identify why it happened and how it can be avoided in future, practice driving and become more confident and capable.

There are so many benefits to learning from mistakes, in addition to what we’ve mentioned, which include: enhancing your resilience and adaptability, improving relationships and as a great personal trait when job hunting.

How to learn from mistakes?

Here’s a guide for learning from mistakes. But first we must identify to what extent the mistake was ours.

Sometimes we feel responsible for mistakes which are a joint effort. For example if your boss gave you instructions to do something, but they were unclear and you didn’t do what they wanted.

The mistake here can probably be shared between the two of you, your boss for giving unclear instructions and yourself for not asking for clarity.

Also, sometimes we feel responsible for things that are out of our control, a global financial crisis, often unforeseeable and in many ways out of your control.

However most things provide us with a lesson, the above example could be to have rainy day money and making sure debt is manageable.

So, be careful not to feel responsible for mistakes that have nothing to do with you. Also, others may try to unfairly place blame on you to get themselves out of trouble.

So if you’re happy the mistake is yours, follow these steps to learn from mistakes.

#1. Acknowledge and Take Ownership of the Mistake

This can be hard to do, we often feel negative feelings and want to forget the mistake. However, this isn’t a positive response and can lead to unwanted consequences.

For example, if you said something rude to a friend out of jealousy, pretending it didn’t happen will damage your relationship.

But admitting it and apologising will help mend the relationship and lead to closure. Short-term pain leads to long-term gain.

Simply owning up to a mistake and owning it can gain respect from others.

When you make a mistake you may think it’s a terrible thing you’ve done, but often when you apologise and get another persons point of view you may find that it wasn’t as serious as first thought.

#2. Reframe the Mistake to Learn from It

A mistake can be reframed to be more positive or neutral. This is simply a method to diminish the impact on how you feel about it.

For example, if at the end of a long stressful day you are short tempered with your children, rather than beat yourself up you could reframe the mistake.

Instead of thinking you’re a horrible parent you could have these thoughts:

‘I had a long day and raised my voice, I regret it and will apologies, but I recognise that I’m only human, prone to making mistakes like everybody else.’

Also, be aware of your negative self-talk, when you identify this put a positive spin on it. Such as: ‘mistakes are essential for learning, every mistake can make me a better person.’

It’s important to have compassion for yourself, many of us live stressful, chaotic lives, and sometimes our actions and behaviours are in error.

When the mistake has been reframed it becomes less upsetting and more manageable.

#3. Analyse the Mistake to Understand It

Having taken some of the emotion out of the mistake through reframing, we want to understand it better.

However, this depends on what the mistake is, if it’s simply spilling a coffee then the lesson can be simple and end here.

For example, if you spilt your latte because you were balancing one on top of the other then the lesson is simple – no more balancing coffees.

Bigger more complex mistakes can be analysed, for example: if you find yourself snapping at your kids analyse this in more detail.

Write the mistake on a piece of paper and write down appropriate questions, such as:

What was the mistake I made? ‘I snapped at my children’

What were they doing? ‘Trying to get my attention before bedtime’

Why did I react by raising my voice? ‘Because I had lost my patience with them’

What caused my lack of patience? ‘A long tiring day at work’

How could it have been handled better? ‘I could have responded more calmly’

How can this be avoided in the future? ‘I will recognise when I’m tired, ask my wife for support at bedtime, and explain to her how I feel’.

#4. Seek an Alternate Perspective of the Mistake

When you make a mistake it’s important to gain another perspective. We commonly make a mistake which we believe is more serious than it is.

We have negative thoughts and for example catastrophising, which is when we make a mistake and think the worst case scenario will happen.

For example, if you failed an exam, you could picture the worst case scenario, loss of respect from peers, anger by parents, losing your spot at University and not continuing toward the career you’ve dreamt of.

However, in reality things are rarely the worst case. Another perspective can help bring you back to reality.

• Your parents will be proud that you gave it your best and know how hard you worked
• College friends may have struggled with the exam too, the bar may have been set too high
• The University may suggest an alternative path to get the degree you require for your career

Having anther point of view can help you to change your own perspective, to rationalise the mistake and help you recognise solutions.

Often the mistakes we make are only important to us, when you confide in other people they may think it was negligible or doesn’t even matter.

#5. Identify What You’ve Learnt from the Mistake

Personally I find this the most rewarding part of the process. It’s when I’m really rewarded for the effort I’ve put in.

I remember a mistake I made with regards to house insurance, I assumed that my policy had renewed but the next day I hadn’t received an insurance renewal from my insurer.

This caused me to worry that my house wasn’t insured, and I ended up catastrophsing, worrying that at any moment the house would burn down and I wouldn’t be able to cover the rebuild.

Because it was early morning and the call centre wasn’t open I panicked and purchased insurance from another insurer, I then ended up having 2 policies and having to go through the rigmarole of cancelling one of them.

This mistake taught me a few lessons, which I can demonstrate through answering the following questions:

How to avoid this mistake in the future? Double check that the home insurance is set for automatic renewal to ensure I have peace of mind if I don’t receive the renewal document straight away.

What did I learn? I learnt that I shouldn’t panic and to avoid catastrophising, worrying about no insurance and the house going up in flames, for the short period I had to wait for the documents to arrive nothing would have happened to the house.

What positives can I take from it? It’s a valuable lesson, I learnt about the cooling off period which is now common in the UK, which I wasn’t aware of back then.

The experience also taught me to think through and rationalise potential consequences of a mistake, to avoid catastrophsing.

It’s important to formulate as many questions as you can, be inquisitive and enquiring. The more questions you can ask yourself the more benefit you’ll get.

#6. Action Planning a Mistake for a Deeper Understanding

This is optional, but can be useful for more intricate and complicated mistakes. Which you cannot afford to make again, especially work related, either in employment or self-employed.

Having an action plan is a great way to prove to your employer that you seek to improve your performance and take your job seriously.

If for example, your mistake was missing a deadline you can create an action plan for future projects to avoid this.

How you formulate the action plan would depend on your situation, but an example which is often used in business is the SMART model for goal setting, this is not only useful as an action plan but also to track progress.

Some useful aspects of this model include being specific about what needs to be achieved, and being able to measure progress.

After applying the SMART principles you may find that the project isn’t achievable with the time and resources available.

The result is that you can give yourself the best possible chance of completing the task and avoiding the mistake the same mistake again.

In Conclusion to Learn from Your Mistakes

Mistakes are not failures, every error, misjudgement, or setback is an opportunity to learn and grow. Research and anecdotal evidence shows that those willing to make mistakes and learn from them are more likely to succeed.

We may feel embarrassment and regret for our slip ups but reframing mistakes is a valuable skill. Which not only makes you feel better, but also develops your resilience.

According to a study by Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck, embracing a growth mindset helps people deal with mistakes better, to embrace them and recognise their importance for progress and personal development.

So, next time you make a mistake, take ownership, reflect, and ask: What did I learn?

Whatever the mistake, you have the power to turn what is potentially a negative into a positive. The right attitude makes the difference between success and failure.